Monday, December 04, 2006

What? You mean Noah Wyle DOESN'T work here?

I've had tummy pains for probably about 4 years now. They come and go, off and on. I used to think they were stress related. The pain would come during stressful periods in my life. Now it's totally random. Just whenever the pain feels like it.
I've been to several different doctors, all who tell me the same thing. Eat more fiber, drink more fluid, go to the bathroom. Yep... apparently I'm full of shit in more than one way!
Last week, Wednesday I think it was, I was convinced the pain had something to do with my gall bladder. I went to the hospital at about 10:00 pm in so much pain I could barely stand. Going to a military hospital is very intimidating. The docs and staff there usually aren't very nice and they're known for getting you in and out as fast as humanly possible. Me being the meek and timid person I am, was scared out of my wits walking in that door.

Person at front desk: (looking up from his book) Ya?
Me: I... um.... I was told by the triage nurse on the phone today... um.... that... um... well, I have pain here (rubbing my tummy) and she said... um... that I could come in... um... to the ER... um...
Person at front desk: Ya, ok, can I have your ID card, please? Then take a seat and someone will see you.

Ok, I think I'm going to throw up.

Very nice nurse sees me and takes my stats and asks me questions. I lied. I told her I'd only had the pain for about 2 months, not 4 years. Yes, I know... naughty! Well, I was telling her what I thought she wanted to hear. When I said "a few months now", she said, "Like two months?" I said, "Well, probably longer." And she replies,"So, two months, right?" Ok, fine. Apparently thats what she wanted to hear.
After she's done with me, I sit and wait some more. A little girl behind me is obviously very sick and clinging to daddy crying, crying, crying. I felt so bad for her.
A guy comes and gets me and takes me to a room. Oohh... very ER-ish! Not quite so glamorous, though.
I have to put on a gown. Hate that. This thing was like was trying to put together a K'nex Ferris Wheel! It had snaps all over and ties in places I couldn't tie, and ties that had no matching tie and snaps that had no matching snap. I think I got it on semi-correctly. You always rush to get those things on cause of that one time you got caught completely naked when the doc walked in and you didn't have the gown on yet. And eventhough he's eventually going to see all of your parts, one at a time, you'd rather he not see them all at the same time. Or maybe that's just me.
So in walks this little... well, "doctor" with a heavy accent. He talked very bluntly and had no bed-side manner at all. I'm reminded somewhat of Dr. Cox on Scrubs, except shorter, darker, and with an Asian accent. "You tummy pain?" he asks me. "Why you take so long come in here? Why you here at 11:30 at night? Why not day time? Why take two months come in here?" Yes, he asked them all at once. And then I did what I always do. I retreated to the little 10 year old girl that always has her mommy come in to the doctor's office with her. I stumbled over my words and got a little teary and probably didn't communicate very well. Mostly, I'm sure I looked like a fool.
So I go to get x-rays taken. This is the real test to see if I put my gown on right or not. Nope, not on right. When I get to the x-ray room I realize my rear end had been hanging out the whole time. I knew I should have worn those sexy red VS panties instead of the big white granny underwear! The x-ray dude, after taking three x-rays of various positions, asks me to lie back down on the table because there was something weird on one of them. He took it again, developed it, and then came back and very shyly asked if I had some sort of birth control implant. Why yes, yes I do. "I have an IUD", I told him. Boy did he turn red. "So, I guess I didn't need to take that extra one, then." (hehehehe)
When I get back to my little room, the curtains are all pulled back and so there I sit, for all to see. After about 10 minutes someone checks on me and then I hear them say to an aide, "Where's doc?" The aide says that "Doc" took lunch and would be back in half an hour. TOOK LUNCH!!! What the heck?! I'm sitting here in pain, in my stupid little gown and Mr. Pompous-My-Time-is-Worth-More-Than-Anyone-Else's is taking a lunch break?!!!
After 40 minutes (yes, really) he graces me with his prescence, x-ray in hand. What does he tell me? "You need take poo-poo." That was the official verdict. That is what I waited so long for. That was my diagnosis. He said some other things, but somehow my mind wasn't really processing it. I was mad. I was shaking. My head was whirling and very hot tears were about to drop at any second.
He gave me some medicine for IBS, but they triggered my migraines so I can't take it. I'm supposed to go to a follow up with a clinic physician some time this week. You can probably see why I'm a little hesitant.


kateandjona said...

The clinic doc just HAS to be better than this one was! Go see him, we want you feeling better!

and hey, you didn't need to go to the ER at all really - I could've told you that you're usually full of shit! *grin*

Amber said...

So sorry your doc experience was like that! I hate it when they have no bed side manner! I hope the next doc treats you better, or I might have to make a trip out there and kick some doctor butt! :)

Jen said...

Sorry it was so hard foryou. Hope you feel better soon!!!!!

navywife6 said...

you know peggie that is the one thing we as moms, wives, women we wait to hear all our lives...that we are "full of SHIT."

OMG thank you for the laugh this AM, I am however very sorry for your pain and the butt hanging out issue (but wouldn't have mattered if the gown was on right they are designed for us to HANG OUT for the world to see LOL).

Go to your DR (as imtimidating as he will least he'll know your name). You are in my thoughts honey and "GO POO POO"

Always friends

Heather said...

Hey Peggy - wanna really laugh? I am an ER nurse!!! God - I am so sorry you were treated that way!!! If you ever need an ER in Florida - look me up - I promise to take real good care of ya!!! Know what else - the curtain should ALWAYS remain closed - I mean they call 'em "Privates" for a damn reason!!! Eat more fiber and drink plenty of fluids - heehee....